Which Type of Dog are you?

This is in line with 2006 being the Year of the Dog!

I am a Chihuahua. Sounds true for me...

Chihuahua

No bones about it, you're an energetic, devoted Chihuahua. For your breed, size definitely doesn't matter. After all, sometimes the best things (diamonds, car keys, Godiva truffles) come in small packages. Honest and straightforward, you're never afraid to speak up for what you believe in, especially if it's a cause near and dear to your heart. Having such a passionate personality can come with a few drawbacks, though. You can be moody at times, and people often find it hard to live up to your high standards. But once you make a friend, it's for life. Saucy and intense, your energy and unfailing loyalty make you a great companion. Woof

Try the test @ http://web.tickle.com/dog/?test=dogogt

What's your Vibe?

Your vibe is Tickled Pink

You've got a sweet side that likes nothing better than to be tickled pink. That's why your charming vibe always rubs people just the right way. An affectionate soul like you is always thinking of others, and you find joy in being a generous and engaging part of your community. After all, you know it's much more rewarding to give than receive.

This doesn't mean that you won't stand up for yourself when necessary. But you think things through before acting, and you tread lightly when you can. And there's no better way to make a bigger or more lasting impression on people than by leaving them tickled pink too.

http://web.tickle.com/tests/vibe/?test=vibeogt

Chinese New Year Promise to myself

In a Ch8 drama shown yesterday, the male lead told his female counterpart that 'You are like a book. Although the cover of the book may be old and dog-earred, the content in the book is much more important than its outer appearance.'

I thought it was a rather apt sentence to apply in my case as well. With the episode last week still fresh in my mind, I shall once again strive to think more positively.

I have always felt that I am not entitled to choose who I want to love cos of a obvious reason. Friends have repeatedly told me that that is not true at all, since true love conquers all. Yet I persist in maintaining a pragmatic and guarded mindset towards romance.

The episode last week, though not intended in that manner, has reinforced that I have been right in my thinking. I am in no position to choose anyone, but hopefully the special someone will be able to see beyond the cover of the book. I don't hold up much hope, cos I seemed to be valuing myself higher than society's benchmark for me.

I am promising myself this Lunar New Year that I will not degrade myself and feel inferior again. I shall protect myself and be more independent in everything I do. This may be harder than I think it is, but I can only be satisfied with this quiet acceptance of life. Romance may not be something that I can look forward to and so it will be. I am accepting myself for who I am and will not regret whatever that I may never have.

Moving on

I am alright!!! YES! I have decided to leave any baggage I have behind and move on.

Though I dun noe what's the full impact on my life as yet, e.g. being even more protective of myself, never daring to try out new things etc, I am determined not to let this get me down...at least to the outside world.

What I am experiencing in my inner self is of cos another ting, and well, it takes time to heal. Cracks will definitely be left behind, but these will serve as a warning or reminder to me. I dun tink that I will trust so easily again. Which may be a good thing, since if I dun trust tt easily, I wun get hurt tt easily too. In my own cocoon, I shall seek comfort.

I have also been tinking more and more about religion and faith. I want to, or need to believe and trust in a greater being, cos I do not have any solutions. I only know that in times of fear, I myself am not calm enough to bring me through those trying times. I need to inject myself with a stabiliser and avoidance is not it.

I will try...as always. Even if I fail, I am heartened to know that I still have good frens. The world only looks down upon me, so far as I allow them to affect me. Acceptance by others is really not as important as acceptance of myself. And perhaps that's where the problem lies all along..

I cried at work today.

Shocking...I have totally lost my self-confidence and conviction in life. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill, or maybe my friend articulated it best - I am unsettled that the world sees me as such, when all along, I have pride myself on a certain standard. I was just bluffing myself. It is obvious that I am below par in the eyes of others.

I don't think I can regain my self-confidence any time soon. This has totally changed my outlook in life. I wonder if I will ever believe in myself again and where I can go from here.

I feel like vanishing into thin air every single moment. The truth hurts and it shows that I am not as good as I think I am. I know I need to learn how to accept myself 1st, but I am a long way from achieving that, if even possible. I need to be independent, and not depend on others to determine my emotions. Most of all, I want to be happy again with or without anyone else.

Negative thoughts flood the mind
No longer as happy and carefree as before
Trying desperately to make sense out of things
Where's the gal that everyone knows?
All expects the gal to be as headstrong as before
Yet the heart no longer beats to that rhythm.

The world continues moving on without her
She cries for help
Yet no one stops
But what does she really want
The answer is not even clear to her
Perhaps the future holds the key to her heart

I feel upset, angry, dejected with myself. There is no reason why I should feel this way. Or maybe the reason lies within the realm of my mind, but I am not admitting to it. Why? I mourn for the person that I have become. What am I projecting to others? I dun wanna tok to anyone. I wanna hide myself. This is beyond my own comprehension.

Loneliness and having company are but the same thing if my heart isn't in it. What do I want? Maybe I should wake up to the reality. I feel pain.

About nothing

Thanks GZ for correcting my immense lack of understanding of the same article ->I chose to rem whatever I like.

Anyway...

I know we are wrong for each other when he wakes up at 5+ to start work at 7am on his own accord.

I know we are wrong for each other when he sleeps at 10+ on a normal wkday night cos he's sleepy.

I know we are wrong for each other when I keep comparing him with other guys I know, and esp the guy on my mind.

I know we are wrong for each other when I keep mentioning the word 'fren' to him more than 3 times in a single sms of 160 letters.

I know we are wrong for each other when I failed to be impressed by his new antics. The initial curiousity has just va-mooshed.

I know we are wrong for each other when I can't hold a conversation with him for more than 10mins b4 running out of things to say.

I know we are wrong for each other when this has occurred within 10 days of knowing each other.

I know we are DEFINITELY wrong for each other after re-reading what has been written.

Am I TT desperate?

I think it has become quite a sad turn to my life that I have to resort to introductions from frens to garner some male attention to spice up my non-existent luv life.

I dun hv a lack of male frens, but they have never turned their attention on me as a lover or potential gf material. This brings to mind an article that a male fren sent for my reading pleasure.

In the article, it was mentioned that there are 2 ladders in a guy's brains. Some gals will always be placed on the 'frens' ladder, while others will be on the 'gf quality' ladder. Gals may move up and down the ladder, but rarely do gals move from 1 ladder to another. On the other hand, although there are also similarly 2 ladders in a gal's brains, it is possible for guys to move from 1 ladder to the other, meaning there's opportunity to be upgraded from 'buddy' to 'luver'.

Maybe i should start revamping myself. I have been told that as much as it irks females, it is the truth that guys delegate gals to the 2 ladders based on 1st looks, since guys are visual creatures.

Yah, so mayb i shld start dressing up and learn how to catwalk n behave in the manner that appeal to guys. BUT why am I changing myself just to get attached? Doesn't make sense..or mayb i shld revamp just to get the kick out of being on the 'gf material' ladder to the guys, but alas they remain on my 'buddy' ladder! Hiak hiak! *evil laughter*

Does he know that I am watching him from afar

Does he even know of my existence

I wonder what he thinks of me

Am I just another face in the crowd

What about

The banter that we share,

The glances and smiles

Over mutual jokes

But time is not on our side

Though all might be futile,

I wish him well

For the future that does not contain me

I Have Learnt...

Ok, compared to a few days ago, my mood has improved considerably. Yes, the problems may still be there, but taking things holistically, they aren't that bad.

I have learnt from this episode in my life that:

1. I have friends! Iam thankful to all these friends who have rallied around me, esp after they have seen my blog post. Maybe no one expected me to have that big a reaction, but well, it's the 1st time that my mum is in hospital for this long (she is still in the hospital as I type now.)
2. Never make mountains out of a molehill. If everyone else insist on blowing matters up, we should remain calm and not get stressed and worked up as things blow bigger. Eventually, everyone else should realise that they are making mountains out of a molehill and see the wisdom in our words.
3. It's the attitude and the mindset that really matters. If one persists in thinking negatively, it is a guarantee that problems will just seemed bigger and then the whole spiral of stuff will get out of hand, and soon one will slip into depression.
4. Having abled staff who do not panic when you are helps alot.
5. Having the ability to lose my job in the worst case scenario really reduced the amount of pressure I felt. This brings me to the point that one shouldn't have a family or too many loans to repay, cos the mthly income will matter too much and then the pressure will get to us. When we bear with all this pressure for too long, heart attack/high blood pressure may result. So yah, it may be a better idea not to get married and don't overspend on credit!
6. I should admit when I have done wrong, regardless of the implications I may faced. But yes, in the corporate world, we should minimise the full impact of our mistake (rem pt 2 above - never make mountains out of molehills.)
7. Being able to keep cool in the face of adversity is the mark of true maturity. This is regardless of how vulnerable one may feel inside. It's all in the image one is projecting.
8. A leader will only be respected if he/she takes responsibility for the mistakes his/her team has committed. The leader should not be trying to shirk responsibility since this is his/her team that we are talking about.

Right, that's it! 8 points for prosperity and growth in the new year! =)

Too many things have happened over the last couple of days. Can't take it anymore. It's not so much the health problems that may arise, but more of my mental health.

• My mum fractured her leg. She will be out of action for at least 2-3 months, and that's an optimistic gauge. My dad is so stressed that he said he can't sleep at night.
• Sth big happened in office, and I am now right in the middle of a big mess, which I admit I have made some mistakes in.

I have to worry over too many things. Maybe this is part of growing up. Maybe I have just realised how reliant I am on my mother. Maybe I just need some support.

The Process of Growing Up

Does maturing equate to being more sensible?

Does being more sensible equate to talking less, since we think more?

Does talking less equate to being politically correct?

Does being politically correct equate to career success?

Does career success equate to happiness?

BUT

Does this happiness equate to true peace?

Does true peace equate to being true to oneself?

Does being true to oneself equate to not betraying one's conscience?

Does not betraying one's conscience equate to speaking the truth?

Does speaking the truth equate to being politically insensitive?

Does being politically insensitive equate to immaturity?

My New Year Resolutions

It's the new year! In my bid to always improve myself, I shall name a few resolutions that I shall try to adhere to (remind me if I don't):

1. I shall stop biting my nails. It's a bad habit and I start whenever I get too stressed up or angry. So yes, I shall stop biting. I am old enough to handle myself better.

2. I shall lessen my gossiping and shall only mention good things about others. Of cos, this doesn't mean I lose my sense of humour, but I don't want to regret things I have said when I am old and on my deathbed. I shall take responsibility for my own actions and words. Thankfully, I don't think I have said anything that horrendously bad that I cannot make amendments for, so I can still die in peace.

3. I shall work hard at work, but will maintain a healthy balance between work and play. (Should be easy to achieve, if people continue to piss me off.)

As for good stuff that I want to continue this year:

a. I want to remain happy (or even happier), despite difficult periods that I will inevitably experience.

b. I want to continue going home for dinner more days in the week than not.

c. I want to continue being luved despite being not very luvable (at times).

More abstract resolutions that should be harder to achieve:

i. I hope to be really confident inside, instead of always being on the defensive.

ii. I hope to be more generous in spirit - giving compliments when they are deserved, and not being jealous or vengeful for all that I may not have.

iii. I shall look upon matters in a positive light and hope to be able to think less when it comes to negative thoughts that always revolve around 'worst case scenarios'.