Alone in my make-believe world

Feelings of inadequacies

Flood my mind and soul

Extreme negative thoughts

Have taken root

Shaken confidence and dwindling belief

Love still makes the heart beat faster

Yet the heart persists

To beat differently

A varied tempo from the mind

And so I continue

Searching high and low

For my own definition of my perfect world

A world where there will be no stares

Judgement is reserved

And happiness fills the air

A land of equal opportunities

Where love is possible

Willingness to strive for what I want

Yet failure is daunting

What can I do

Ben & Jerry Ice Cream Flavour Test

BROWNIE BATTER! You scored 81% SWEET, 70% CHUNKY, and 48% UNIQUE!

brownie batter ice cream with a rich brownie batter swirl Mmmm....you are a very sweet mix indeed! You are warm, loving, and caring to all those around you, but you're not boring in the least! You have a wild streak and a creative, unique streak, too. You are a great friend, an interesting person, and you know how to have fun without ending up crouching over a toilet bowl. Nice!

A Day of Leisure

I was out for practically the whole day on Saturday. In fact, I spent more than 12 hrs away from home.

Had a sumptuous lunch with my ex-colleague. Discovered the beauty of just sitting there, with water being topped up as soon as we emptied the glass etc (good service!). We talked about fortune-telling in connection with the lack of good single guys within our reach. Our conclusion - it takes fate to deliver the opportunity for us to meet the right guy, as well as to do/say the right thing to maintain the mutual attraction.

Went for KTV after tt, n we had fun dissecting (analysing) the lyrics of the songs. We discovered that some of the lyrics are really meaningful, capturing the essence of our emotions in the circumstance, but others dun really make much sense. We had fun waving to the pple on the escalator, as we were in a see-through room where they could see us singing. Felt like Stefanie Sun in Taiwan. Haha!

Went off to Orchard for whirlwind applications of credit cards. Haha..I just need HSBC/ Standard Chartered to complete my collection of credit cards from all banks, I think.

In any case, we went to Galilee's Cafe at Cineleisure at around 8+pm, n stayed there tokking n watching soccer till 2am! There's sth about late nights that appeal to me. Somehow, maybe we are more tired or can hide in the blanket of the darkness that makes pple more receptive to expressing their feelings.

Caught a NightRider after tt. 1st time I took the bus! Quite convenient actually, since it stops outside my house. So to friends out there, we can go to Orchard, PS, Bugis and stay till very late in future, k? Met a varied composition of commuters on the bus. e.g. I wonder why some old men boarded at Geylang at that time?

In any case, I truly feel that it's alrite to be single when you have grps of frens to go out with. No doubt it bothers me that our topics revolve around guys (or the lack thereof), yet they are the ones I go to if I feel lonely. And they can definitely band together with me when we riot against those who are attached. Hiak hiak!

All-inclusive Singapore

I was talking to a fren's fren the other dae, and i think that I live and associate with a very protected part of the Singapore society.

This gal is 19 yrs old (younger than me), and has a bf who is an up and coming gang leader. He has been caught for gang rioting before and has already been in and out of Boys' Home at 17 yrs old. Btw, he's younger than her.

He's an Eurasian and they have been together for 2+ yrs. They met outside a Cheers store at 3am. She was actually together with another of his frens (who was part of the gang outside Cheers at 3am), but they lasted all of 10 days.

He asked her to be his gf repeatedly. On his 2nd or 3rd coincidental meeting with her, he asked her younger brother if he will like him to be his jiejie's bf. How ah-bengish romantic is tt!!

Aniwae, he has two-timed or three-timed her before, and yet she waited for him to be released from Boys' Home. She cried buckets apparently, and her mother protested her involvement with such a guy. She herself admits tt she doesn't see him most of the time, and 'you nan peng you, geng mei nan peng you, dou yi yang' (hving a bf or not is the same).

I asked her if she sees any future with him. She answered 'Bu zhi dao. (I don't know.)'

I wonder if I am just a prude or more mature than her. I can't even imagine being frens with such a guy! Maybe tt's y I am still single..i think too much.

Work is Bothersome

Been leaving work at 6+pm these few days. I have NEVER, or seldom, left work in my limited work experience, this early before.

I have discovered that if I leave work this early, I can

• Go shopping
• Hang out for dinner with my friends
• Watch many more TV shows
• Pay bills
• Talk and interact with my family

All in all, I discovered that I can have life after 6pm on weekdays, and not only on weekends.

This is quite inspiring to me. Haha...

In other news, I should be joining Lion Befrienders with my friend, so that's my main Sat activity for a while. Less boredom over the weekends. Anyone keen to join as well?

Quote of the Night

"He has the ability to 'ta' stamp over your eyes, and that's many many layers of stamps."

An Update on the Work Status

Remember that I was talking about asking for a change in job scope and that there was another competitor? Guess what?

We both lost to a 3rd unknown competitor! Haha! This 3rd gal popped out from nowhere, and reliable sources tell me that she has actually resigned from another more famous branch. However, due to her exceptional qualities, the company has decided to redeploy her here!

Can't say that I feel sore, because my boss actually asked me last week if I wanted to do my current job AND the new job. I told her 'NO WAY'. I mean, come on, it's not humanly possible, even though I may be efficient.

In addition, she also kindly told me that she didn't like to place people from my parent company in any key position in my current 1, because we will eventually go back to the parent company. I feel that she is missing the point actually. The reason for us being redeployed to the current 1 is for us to help the company right its ways. Also, with a more indepth understanding of how all the associate companies work, the parent company will be better able to manage and craft out ways and means to help them. This is to realign everyone's interest too.

Anyway, I replied her frankly that if she misses this point, she might as well just send people from the parent company back. After all, they were the ones who requested for help. In addition, they can start recruiting from the mass market too, since these people will/may not leave.

OK, enough about the nonsensical thinking that my associate company seems to have (or maybe it's only my boss). The heir-apparent has requested to see me alone next month. Well, it can't be sth bad, since if it is, it will be an immediate meeting. Why do I feel that I am carrying the weight of the parent company everywhere I go?

To my 100th Blog Post (and beyond)!

I am pleased to announce that I have hit my 100th blog post (with the last one)!

It's amazing how quickly time flies and amazingly, I have been writing since November 2004. 1 year!! Surprised I have lasted that long. Not sure how many 'loyal readers' there are (who aren't my friends. haha!), but I guess writing in this blog has helped me at times. I can put some things into writing, which also places them into perspective. My views may not always be correct or even coherent, but it helps to have an avenue to air them, even if nobody reads them.

In other news, I attended a wedding dinner last nite, which is the coolest that I have ever seen. The tables and chairs were adorned with BLACK cloth. I didn't type the colour wrongly. BUT there were rose petals scattered randomly everywhere and roses on the tables. All in all, it looks like a scene from the UOB Ladies Card promo. Haha! But stunning effect, cos no matter what colour the bride wore, she stood out remarkably. I am just amazed that the colour theme was approved by parents of both sides, since black usually equates to funeral for the chinese.

I feel compelled to announce that I don't seem to have any goal in my life, which made me throw up random thoughts over the weekend like buying a car or house, to give my life more of a long-term perspective. I am very frankly earning $ for $'s sake, which defeats the purpose. I have no drive, no ambition. I can be happy earning more, or I can be happy earning less. It doesn't make a difference to me. Makes me feel that I am achieving Nirvana! hahah!

SO I might be buying a house with my parents (since my dad already bought a car, and I still entertain the thought of having my bf fetch me around. haha..) Any recommendations, esp from Veelo?

(Disclaimer: I always have such fleeting thoughts. May not materialise once I get a good feel of how much in debt I will be.)

Extract from my Colour Quiz - True Results

Your Restrained Characteristics

Has high emotional demands and is willing to involve herself in a close relationship, but not with any great depth of feeling.

Emotionally inhibited. Feels forced to compromise, making it difficult for her to form a stable emotional attachment.

Your Desired Objective

Wants to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality with an altogether charming and impressive influence on others. Uses tactics skillfully so as to avoid endangering her chances of success or undermining others' confidence in herself.

Your Actual Problem

The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or her reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. She attempts to remedy this by intense activity and by insistence on getting her own way. Faulty self- control can lead to ungovernable displays of anger.

I wonder why most of my conversations with friends and alot of my posts revolve around the topic of love and suitors (or the lack thereof).

Is it due to our age? But we aren't that old yet. Or maybe there's nothing else to talk about other than work, and no one wants to talk about work after work. Honestly speaking, I don't feel like I am someone who will die without love or a companion by my side. I am not advocating females to remain single, but I am also not a strong believer that everyone should procreate to contribute back to society (I am not kidding. My colleague tells me that it is all our duty to procreate!)

I have been told by older (and wiser?) colleagues that I will start getting worried when I hear my biological clock ticking away with increasing intensity, so I had better lower my standards now while I have youth to bank on still, else it will be too late. I wonder if that's true. The funny thing is if I search within myself now, I think I can live with being alone. I am no longer the teenage gal of 17-18 yrs, who swear by and breathe love in everything she sees or does. Love isn't the essence of life. Instead, belief in oneself and confidence that emanates from within may be better contributors of happiness...to me, at least.