Closure of this Blog

Some people aren't just worth it. In any case, I have decided to clean up my act and make a thorough and clean break.

True, it may be difficult at this moment, but I will certainly try my best. It takes 2 hands to clap after all. I refuse to be down just cos of some harsh comments/opinion of myself.

If you are interested in knowing the address of my new blog, pls let me know.

Of my character and such...

1. Pride - An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceit.

2. Delusion - A mistaken or unfounded opinion or idea.

3. Self-centeredness - Engrossed in oneself and one's own affairs; selfish.

Tribute to a Friend

Yesterday marked the end of our friendship
Tears fell as your harsh words rained down
Heart bled as the daggers of comments plunged in
The accuracy haunts me, but questions left unanswered

Our conversation on auto-replay mode
Still resonates through my mind
Normalcy escaped me
The workday passed by in a trance for me

I saw the ugly truth
Weaknesses make me human
But my ego distorts the perception of reality
Thanks for being in my life once

You were a pillar of strength and encouragement
When my confidence failed me
I regret that I didn't reciprocate
By understanding you more

It's all too late now
I mourn the times of old when life was simpler
Perhaps this is my retribution
For the way I treated you

I lost grasp of the situation
Simply because you spoilt me in the past by giving in to my whims
In my heart, I thank you for letting me share your life before
You've made a difference even if I didn't notice it in the past

You're special, you know.
If i could live it all over again, and choose what would happen,
I'd still choose to meet you.
We both know how much you've influenced me.

Though it's the end of the road for us
I'll look back with fond memories
Thanks for teaching me to stand on my own two feet
All the best

I had a good laff at the expense of several frens, who msged me after reading my previous blog post. Most seemed to think that it must be related somehow to romance..think in the line of confessing my love for a guy, or doing sth to show him clearly that I like him.

Sorry to disappoint you pple...but I am not that brave. True, I may like someone, but he will never hear about it from my own mouth. An woman's pride, I suppose.

Felt alittle down today, cos sometimes being nice can have repercussions. I mean, there's a limit to my patience, and I know I am not exactly a saint, but I try to be nice and accommodating whenever I can. But some people can push me too far at times. Just cos I am new, young, short, from a particular unit doesn't mean that I have 'Pls BULLY me' stamped on my forehead.

Oh well, it's the weekend, and I shall thus, not harp over it anymore. Just 1 last sentence...If people are willing to cooperate more, taking account of the big picture, instead of micro-looking and rid themselves of the blaming mentality (just get the work done lah!), working will be a much greater joy.

I hv taken the 1st step

I hv taken the 1st step yesterday. Now, I just need to pray for perseverence and presence of mind to strive on. It may not be much to others, but it is a step in the right direction for me. And for once, it is my personal choice.

I don't know why I managed to convince myself to make the 1st move. I guess I am just tired of the 'what-ifs'. I want my future to be controlled by myself and my own actions, and not wonder what may have been.

This seems to apply to other parts of my life as well, but I wun be doing anything about those any time soon because I lack the courage. Let's just take things one step at a time and see what improvements there can be.

I will need encouragement and motivation to carry on. I hope this decision will have positive repercussions on my life.

Misdirected anger

I wonder if my spurts of anger last week were directed at S or myself. Truth is I kinda blame myself for S's predicament, cos even if I am not the one who made the decision, I sorta influenced S's decision by what I said 2 yrs ago.

I can't help but rem K's words 2 yrs ago on why I thought the path I recommended was better than the other path. Words that are ringing in my mind for the past week. I feel guilty as hell, and my hands are tied. I simply can't do anything to help, not anything within my means anyway.

I know S feels bad and that is logical, cos if I am in her position, I will tink that it's the end of the world. How can I continue being brave when it seems that my world is collapsing around me?

Wallowing in self-pity isn't the solution, yet the other part of me wants to scream at the world/society for being unfair. Why isn't S being given a chance at all? Why does everything that can go wrong always go wrong in her case?

I tried thinking Ah-Q, in the sense that this may not be bad. I.e. the adage that the farmer whose son lost a leg and thus could not farm, was also not sent off in the war. But I fail to see what good can come out of this.

Perhaps S's path isn't as smooth as other people and that cannot be helped. But I wish I can do sth more concrete to help.

This Birthday was full of surprises and 1st-times

Firstly, I should thank each and every one who bothered to drop me an sms. Though it may be a simple act, I guess it means that I am still remembered by you.

So in order of when the smses was received (plus, minus half a hr from the exact date):

1. OSZ

2. LKY

3. CYL

4. NYN
5. YLF

6. Greenie
7. GZ

8. Claire
9. Vee-Loh
10. Mei Ling
11. Jasmin
12. XH
13. Spinkypinkie

14. JH
15. DX
16. WJ
17. XY
18. WWK
19. Chris

20. Jac
21. MY

The imp one didn't arrive, and it bothered me at 1st. But fresh year, fresh beginning. I guess I have better things to look forward to.

My colleagues had lunch with me on Thurs since I was on leave on Fri. I think at my age, words need not be many, but it's seriously the thought that counts. No need for dramatic surprises or hugs...

When we came back, the rest of my colleagues sprang a surprise cake celebration for me. I seriously didn't expect it, for no good reason other than the fact that everyone seems busy with the accounts.

I must also give due mention to Banana for attempting to spring a surprise dinner celebration for me, even going to the extent of getting my fren (who is not from the company) to msg me to ask me out. It didn't cross my mind that the organiser will be Banana. Truly. Yes, i was a tad disappointed that it didn't materialise, but hey it's the thot that counts.

On Fri, I did the following: ktving, had high tea, shopped at Robinsons sale, people-watch while having fast food (felt like we were in a fishtank). Nothing extraordinary, but I was happy. No burden, sadness, although there was still that tinge of hope.

On Sat, had sushi buffet. It's incredibly worth it, I think. Can sit and eat from 12-5.30pm (if you have the time), and everything below $4.90 can be ordered. This will of cos include sashimi (best!), oysters and scallops. The best part is it's only around $24. Watched Da Vinci Code after that (bad choice, but we were caught in the hype also. Fell asleep for around 10 mins, I think.) Think the best part of the show came not from the show, but from the fact that when I bought the movie tickets, the staff said to be sure to bring our ICs later. So I asked for what? And her answer is....NC16 mah! Wah!!! I was so happy, especially since that day was my bdae, so I scored another 1st for aging negatively!

Proceeded on to a dessert place where my fren's blatent attempt to attract the mgr caught my eye, so the surprise there fell flat. Apparently she went to the dessert place before the movie to arrange things. Unfortunately, the mgr cmi, so I discovered that surprise before it materialised, BUT I did try to play along.

Btw, YLF's acting skill is quite gd. She had me believing that they bought a top for me, until I opened it on Sun. It was a bag...unbelievable. Still can't believe i got hoodwinked.

For some reason, there were so many surprises planned for me this year. I don't think I am exactly an easy person to trick, so I am still grateful to everyone for bothering to attempt the surprise.

I made the same wish for both cakes eaten. I am not sure if things will materialise. At a min, let me be superficial and put it on record that I hope that I age only by numbers, but not on my face and skin! Haha..

In other news, I may be going on a leisure trip overseas for the 1st time with my frens. Not sure if it will work, but hey, the fact that I am even considering it is a major step in the right direction. I won't even consider going overseas with some frens, so it just shows the comfort level I am at with this grp of pple. Thanks for being there with me. =)

* PS: RSPVH pple, how about a get-tog on 10th, 17th or 24th Jun?