As I grow older, birthdays are losing their appeal to me. It reminds me of how old I am getting, without accomplishing a thing.

I still require the protection and shelter of my parents. I prefer to be dependent on them, deferring to their wishes (when they fit mine).

What do I want really? Should I further my studies, or continue living my wretched life in this fashion? Is my present life really that bad? Why do I feel that I am just living life as it comes? I have no aim or ambition to scale to the top of what I am doing.

I am surrounded by colleagues who tell me that I lack the most crucial thing L-O-V-E. But it isn't as if I am rejecting love, rather it has not knocked on my door yet.

Am I not making enough of an attempt to socialise? Perhaps. But isn't such things predestined? I really have no wish to get hurt. I know this is selfish, but I much rather hurt someone else by rejecting him, rather than be rejected and thus, hurt myself.

Maybe I am meant to be single, yet I feel a sense of envy when I see couples who pass by hand in hand. I may not know the quarrels and tears behind this united front, but what I am looking for is a mature relationship. This is about talking heart to heart, identification and understanding of one another, communication on a higher plane.

I know I am always laughing and kidding around, seemingly without a care in this world, with a strong and positive outlook. But beneath this facade is this vulnerable gal who has to withstand societal expectations.

I yearn to be held against his chest, for a warm body to hug when I am in need of care, to sit comfortably side by side without needing to say a single word.

My colleagues may have gotten to me and I don't think I will be remotely attached any time soon. But yes, a gal certainly can dream....