I feel tt I am now ready to explain for my sudden dip in confidence around 2 weeks ago. I have resolved to be honest about this, although it is embarassing.
I had gone on a blind or rather, arranged date. My colleague had intro tis Guy to me. We had exchanged a number of smses and we decided to meet. I got a fren to come along. I thought I knew what to expect, since I had a copy of his photo. I wasn't impressed, but I was prepared to be friends.
I was far too optimistic. Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong, to me at least. He was worse than I expected, but let's not go down this route for I do not want to be branded superficial. My friend and I had to place the order and carry the food to our table at Pasta Mania, as he didn't offer to do either. The last straw came when he didn't offer to pay his portion of the bill at all. It wasn't a slip of his mind, cos he had the audacity to sms me to thank for the food after my friend and I made an early escape.
I felt disgusted with him at 1st. On my way home on the mrt, I started feeling disappointed/disgusted with myself.
On the surface, I may have moved on. But deep in me, I am still struggling with the fact that people feel I am good enough only for men of such grade. My fren who was with me, felt that others may think this way due to my in-yr-face flaw. Although I have been harbouring such thoughts all along, to have someone affirmed it was like a knife through my heart.
Things got worse when I realised that I am much too dependent on others. Despite the strong front of not caring, I do care about others' views. I am obviously not past caring, although I have now resolved to be my own woman - and that includes bearing my pain alone. Perhaps it is foolhardy, but I won't be able to withstand any further blow to my confidence and esteem. I am swearing off romance and guys because being vulnerable really isn't a nice feeling.
It may be foolhardy, since no man can be an island. Perhaps I persist in punishing myself. But I really feel that I cannot trust anyone, not even myself. If this can happen to me when no feelings are involved, what more if feelings come into play?
I have been spending quiet time with myself and my thoughts, and slowly working on recovering my confidence and self-esteem. I believe I will be able to do so, as I have made the 1st step to achieve inner peace - by admitting to what happened.
I will be fine. I have great hopes for the future.
posted by Belief in Life @ 7:37 pm
6 Comments:
Well I din really want to comment and judge this person cos I can't be sure I'm any better than this guy, whoever he is, in terms of looks.
But I feel the least that he can be is to be a gentleman and 1) help you GALS order the food, 2) carry the tray (with the food of cos duh) for you, 3) pay for his share of the food (or even for you gals' ones).
I dun think you should feel that it's your physical appearance that determines what kind of guys you are "entitled to". Come on, there's no such rule and a relationship based on looks and nothing else are unlikely to last lor.
I noe such a "date" can be really discouraging, but I hope that doesn't stop you from further attempts in your search for the right one. =)
1. I hope I don't complain that much in real life. My blog is for me to air my grievances and if anyone isn't happy reading it, then pls simply surf to another website.
2. Not saying that relationships are based on appearances, but btw a gal with almost everything and another with sth missing, guys are more likely to choose the former, rite?
3. Fact.
4. Don't boost your self-ego tt much. Comment moderation is there for a purpose.
I didn't win anything in this whole episode. I only lost alot of my self-worth in my own eyes.
I don't want to talk about how bad this guy is anymore, since I will never see him again if it's up to me.
You are right that he did msg me again after that, of which I totally ignored.
He didn't order anything expensive, it's just the principle of the whole matter.
You are right. I practically announced to the world through my blog, so if he or his frens shld ever stumble onto my blog, the consequences would be dire. Think I can be sued! Luckily, I don't think he will ever read this and let's keep it that way.
I will never ever c tt guy again, so dun nid to wish me luck.
I shall repeat once again that if a guy can choose btw 2 gals with almost the same qualities, but one with a visible flaw, who will he pick? Nothing to do with personality etc alr, since the 2 gals r of the same 'quality'.
No two individuals can have the same personality. Choosing to be with someone requires some sort of "chemistry" and this can only happen when the two parties get to know each other's personalities. I believe in creating opportunities for yourself, and not cutting yourself off.
1 cent worth haha!
"Rotogrip, pls get a grip of yourself." I am very amused by this line. Haha, good one.
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