Paradox of Life

I have realised:

Some people can be nasty to you one day (or night), and be very nice the very next day.

I can advocate kindness to everyone, but i can't even forgive.

I feel for and help the unfortunate in society, but i think of exacting revenge on those who stepped on my toes.

At times, i do not know wat defines a person. What's the point of helping others when i can't even forgive and am in fact, scheming and cunning to the extent of plotting against my enemy? To add fuel to the fire, i am act thinking of 'using another person's knife to kill the one i hate' - a ref to the chinese idiom.

Realised more than ever that things can never be judged on their appearance. Also, it's just a fine line btw gd n evil. nobody can be absolutely gd and conversely evil. It's up to the indiv to allow which side of her/him to dominate.

At the end of the day, i suppose this is part of being human and growing up, not tt i like it one bit. Things seemed so much more innocent when young and in sch. Things are NEVER simple at the workplace, but perhaps i m thinking and reading too much.

Again, isn't that a paradox? We want life to be simple yet complicated at the same time. So what do we really want?