Damned if I do, damned if I don't

(Long post...read when free.)

Is being temperamental a sign of a female? I have fallen into the abyss of misery or paisehness, from the pinnacle of feeling happy and satisfied.

Wed was the day of my division's retreat. We had spent the night before at the chalet. Was quite spooky and eerie, but quite fun. Slept only at 5+am, and that was because I know I had better sleep since I was the emcee for the event the next day.

This was the 1st time that I had stayed overnight at a chalet with my colleagues. Not a bad experience. Shared some of my inner secrets and feelings with them that I wun normally share in the office on a normal day.

Seriously speaking, I feel quite blessed to be in this organisation. Nobody judges me, or at least not to my face. And they accept me for who I am. They also told me that perhaps I have too many frens who are high-flyers, which is why I feel the pressure to constantly do well and even better. That perhaps unwittingly add to my pressure and unwillingness to face reality.

Anyway, the event on wed was quite informal, so being the emcee wasn't exactly stressful. Didn't even prepare for it, and everything was unscripted. Everyone was frenly, sporting and all. Just goodwilled banter that went on.

However, I may have been too frenly or playful for the whole day that I didn't know where to stop. After the big walk of 5km (I shall amaze my frens another time when I describe the total distance I walked), we went back to the chalet where a playful tussle awaited me. However, what has brought me crashing down to earth is cos tis guy tickled me at the armpit.

I noe we were all playing. But I still feel weird. I screamed the house down and everybody was laughing n all. Deep inside now, I feel strange. Like what I told everyone, there is an invisible line or society behaviours to be expected even when playing.

The big hoo ha was raised only after the event. I dun want to go into the details, but I believe that an apology wun b too much to ask for. Seriously, I dun noe wat I expect from tis, but I do noe I am feeling weird about tis whole ting, esp when I noe some people are saying that I overreacted.

When I saw the guy tis morn, I discovered that I didn't dare mit his eyes. I was act paiseh or shy. Amazing...no idea why too. I just know that I feel very down suddenly and it's not cos of PMS.

Maybe I should just shut up in future.