Assortment of Posts
6 days at work..effective tally of work done is as follows:
1. Analyse who's the Closest competitor to a company, and showing support for such a decision, complete with accting numbers and ratios e.g. cash ratio; current ratio; net profit margin, just to list a few (u guys wun b interested aniwae.)
2. Casting done for another company and 3 of its divisions.
Tt's it..nothing else was done. Oh yah, i attended 2 meetings too, in which i did not exactly know what was gg on, except tt i had to intro myself to the rest of the department.
oh well, i guess i will hv more tings to do next wk n i can better gauge wat's gg in the meetings soon too.
_____________
i hv certainly NOT learnt the art of attraction/seduction/flirtation in real life, although i tink i do rather well online in msn. =)
Tink i hv inferiority complex. hard to believe for most of u, i guess.
somehow when pple i do not noe very well, find out about my weakness(es), i feel vulnerable n start closing myself mentally to them, n i start tinking tt they wld not want to b frens (or more) with me. even if they do, i start doubting their reasons for doing so.
i realised it's no way to live, cos i can't b tt close-minded, n i can't hv any more 'real' frens. but it gets kinda depressing...mayb i m too sensitive or overly suspicious.
i act feel tt attitudes hv changed towards me after they found out. from being eager to entertain me on msn n being enthusiastic to go out, n finally to watching a movie on sat, the process has been quick. but there's no post-outing jubilance. m i being too sensitive or do i expect too much, or was my attitude too cold, since i noe they noe?
there was no 'thks for outing' or 'gdnite' sms, n till now, no sms has came in. perhaps i read too much, or it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
m i disappointed? i wld b lying if i said no. but wat i m even more disappointed about is the feeling tt i must live my life as a lie, to present the nicest n most glamorous aspect of me all the time in the beg, until pple noe me well enuff, b4 i can even let my weakness show remotely.
perhaps i wld never trust anyone after this..but who m i kidding? i hv such thots since time immemorial. i dun noe if it's others who close their minds to me, or i m the one to write them off 1st. perhaps it's both, but i do so only bcos i dun want to b hurt 1st.
perhaps i hv not learnt how to take tings in my stride. instead, i prefer to perpetuate a false image..but tis society is so shallow. for all the talk of charity n how this is an all-inclusive society, i seriously do not tink tt it's the case.
i mean, come on, who wld u choose btw a normal person with same intellect and seemingly everything else that someone else with a slight appearance defect has? the answer is clear if u aren't lying.
i shed tears, not for myself but for the pathetic world we live in. Is this what we inculcate in our young? But on reflection, perhaps it's only the human nature that i can fault, for ain't i the same kind of person deep inside?
so i will continue my life's journey, heading forward bravely, though it's a rocky path in front. But i wonder if i m doing so only bcos i noe tt heading backwards is no better way, as i will b retracing the hurt n disillusionment that accompanied me.
1. Analyse who's the Closest competitor to a company, and showing support for such a decision, complete with accting numbers and ratios e.g. cash ratio; current ratio; net profit margin, just to list a few (u guys wun b interested aniwae.)
2. Casting done for another company and 3 of its divisions.
Tt's it..nothing else was done. Oh yah, i attended 2 meetings too, in which i did not exactly know what was gg on, except tt i had to intro myself to the rest of the department.
oh well, i guess i will hv more tings to do next wk n i can better gauge wat's gg in the meetings soon too.
_____________
i hv certainly NOT learnt the art of attraction/seduction/flirtation in real life, although i tink i do rather well online in msn. =)
Tink i hv inferiority complex. hard to believe for most of u, i guess.
somehow when pple i do not noe very well, find out about my weakness(es), i feel vulnerable n start closing myself mentally to them, n i start tinking tt they wld not want to b frens (or more) with me. even if they do, i start doubting their reasons for doing so.
i realised it's no way to live, cos i can't b tt close-minded, n i can't hv any more 'real' frens. but it gets kinda depressing...mayb i m too sensitive or overly suspicious.
i act feel tt attitudes hv changed towards me after they found out. from being eager to entertain me on msn n being enthusiastic to go out, n finally to watching a movie on sat, the process has been quick. but there's no post-outing jubilance. m i being too sensitive or do i expect too much, or was my attitude too cold, since i noe they noe?
there was no 'thks for outing' or 'gdnite' sms, n till now, no sms has came in. perhaps i read too much, or it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
m i disappointed? i wld b lying if i said no. but wat i m even more disappointed about is the feeling tt i must live my life as a lie, to present the nicest n most glamorous aspect of me all the time in the beg, until pple noe me well enuff, b4 i can even let my weakness show remotely.
perhaps i wld never trust anyone after this..but who m i kidding? i hv such thots since time immemorial. i dun noe if it's others who close their minds to me, or i m the one to write them off 1st. perhaps it's both, but i do so only bcos i dun want to b hurt 1st.
perhaps i hv not learnt how to take tings in my stride. instead, i prefer to perpetuate a false image..but tis society is so shallow. for all the talk of charity n how this is an all-inclusive society, i seriously do not tink tt it's the case.
i mean, come on, who wld u choose btw a normal person with same intellect and seemingly everything else that someone else with a slight appearance defect has? the answer is clear if u aren't lying.
i shed tears, not for myself but for the pathetic world we live in. Is this what we inculcate in our young? But on reflection, perhaps it's only the human nature that i can fault, for ain't i the same kind of person deep inside?
so i will continue my life's journey, heading forward bravely, though it's a rocky path in front. But i wonder if i m doing so only bcos i noe tt heading backwards is no better way, as i will b retracing the hurt n disillusionment that accompanied me.
posted by Belief in Life @ 1:43 pm
1 Comments:
There were many times in the past (during NS) when I felt like I was inferior to other guys cos they knew how to get the girls, they knew how to sweet talk and flirt, and I was the most honest(thus rather stupid) guy around who really couldn't sweet talk/seduce anyone. I wished I could sweet talk, I wished I could be less honest, I wished I could pick up girls. Fact was, I couldn't. 3-4 yrs down the road, I've come to terms with the fact that one does not need to seduce/flirt/sweet talk in order to find someone you can connect with on both emotional and spiritual levels. Sometimes I look at my social circle and realise how many more guys I know than girls, but I'm not too bothered.
Many ppl, myself included, find it alot easier to hide behind a sheath and talk to members of the opp. sex online, but I believe we shouldn't let that hinder our progress in the social aspects of our lives. Go out, FACE the person. More often than not, you'll find that the other person is just as insecure, maybe even more, as you are.
Be confident abt who you are, I really see no reason for you to feel inferior to anyone. You're beautiful Jac, both inside and out, let no one tell you otherwise cos he or she would be lying.
Ok see you guys soon! =)
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